About Me

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For the last year I have been trying to return to my old self, An aneurysm and brain hemorrhage totally changed my life. But I'm a fighter, so most of the people that see me, think that nothing has changed. My world consist of several doctor visits, migraine headaches, and depression. Still I smile. My inner strength comes from GOD! Copyright: Cheryl Lovely is the sole owner of the blog and its content.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

A Ram In A Bush

This is the most difficult thing ever, some days I don’t know who I really am. No wonder, when you have a doctor saying you are not well enough to work. Then you have the bill collectors saying I want my money, or I’m turning your lights out. A wonderful friend, whom I Love like a brother! I was being evicted from my place, and I’m suffering from migraines, memory lost, back pain, emotionally a mess. I didn’t know what I was going to do. My family is helping me as best as they can.
Ben knocked on my door soon after the notice I received, and handed me a key.  Start moving your stuff in your new place,  and then he went back to work. Wait I said, I don’t have money to pay you. I can’t move in, as he walked down the hall he say, ” I know that, and I Love you friend”. Wow, man I closed the door and just cried, I am so grateful, talk about unconditional love. Then fear set in. Because I’m having all kinds of emotions that I can’t control, the doctor told me that I would have trigger moments like that. Ben not only gave me a place to stay, he made sure that I had everything I needed.
Dear God, thank you for sending me your obedient son, this is an out-of-body experience. This happens on tv, not in real life. Ben and I have been the best of friends ever since, well brother sister is more like it. We get together and cook on weekends for our friends, and just laugh and have a good time. This was such good therapy for me.
OMG what would have done if it wasn’t for Ben, He has been a huge part of my life, even my family don’t have a clue at what my brother friend has done for me. Laughter, I always say it’s the best medicine. Everyday we laugh and get each other through the day.
His job transferred him to another state, I happy for him. Man I miss him tons, but thank God we get to talk everyday. Love you Ben!!!!  To be continued…

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

My Saving Grace

On one of my lowest days, I had no more fight in me. I'm not proud to say that giving up was in my heart.  The very last thing on earth, I expected to change my mind and heart was a bird. The Cardinal means so much to me, that I can't even express it. Other than God made sure I got to see and hear, when it was storming so bad you could barely see five feet in front of you, and in this small tree that had hardly any leaves to protect him from the rain .
                                            " This bird was singing in the midst of a storm"
                                              "Lesson was so powerful, I won't complain".

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Sister and Mary Ann Comes To Take Care Of Me

My sissy is on the road, her hubby is driving her here. With them is my favorite little fluffy dog in the whole wide world (Taylor). I'm excited that my sissy is coming, because I really need someone to be here with me. My friends that was with me at the hospital, check on me, but I don't want them to keep changing their schedule anymore than they already have while I was in the hospital.

My sister called and said we're here, so I go downstairs to greet them.We hug real tight, and she she says you look good Ann, but I see something in your eyes. In other words, although I'm smiling, she can tell that I am still weak and in the recovering, stage. I think she felt much better,that she finally got here. I was thankful that my brother -n - law drove her all the way from Texas, Their dog Taylor couldn't wait to get out of the back seat to see me, she is such a loving dog. Their SUV was filled  with everything that makes a girl smile, shoes, clothes, and purses!!! Looks like she brought the whole mall with her. She has always known what I like since we were kids. I'm Grateful! We get to visit for a while, then get dinner.  Sissy wants to go to the get her hair done in the morning, so our cousin Sheila, took her to someone that she knows. My brother - n - law and I have lunch, Ed is a man of few words, but he tried to be comforting to me in his own way. It touched my heart that he asked me what triggered me getting upset? I think he felt sorry for me, because I was really upset that my sissy was not with me. I understand now that she wanted to get her hair done, but my brain that was trying to heal  then just wanted her all to myself because mom is not here to care for and she is next in line. He told me that he would take me home so I can rest and wait for my sissy to get back. He and the dog went back to hotel, We had bad weather, in fact snow, It threw a wrench in our plans for the day, I was so worried for my sissy and Sheila to be out there in the snow. They made it back to her house safely, That was relief, so she spent the night at Sheila's and we all got together the next day. They went to a store and got a TV for me, because the one I had didn't work anymore. Lol it was so funny seeing the two of them dragging that box down the hall. Sissy as cute as ever, she is always dressed nicely no matter where she is going. Sheila is cute as a button, she is working on her Doctorate, I'm so proud of her! The four of us Go have lunch at Pappadeaux, and it was beautiful and sad, because I c don't feel good, but if I say that it will seem like I'm winning, so blend in is what I keep saying to myself. The waiter was good at his job, and the food was excellent. My head is pounding at this point, but it feels good to be with family. We all leave, Sheila went back home to study. I don't remember what happened next. (I call these my aneurysm moments, I will add things as they come back to me)

Our sister friend Mary Ann from childhood, who is a nutritionist is flying in from her home in Costa Rica. So we wait for her, my friend Lionel picks her up at the airport. Both my sister and Mary have their own plans and ways of doing things, and their goal was for me to be comfortable, have what I need, and on my way to better health.. Lionel made himself available the whole week, for my family and I.

We are together again! My sissy, Mary Ann, and I. Its too bad that it has to be under there circumstances. But we are still happy. We go to the super market, because Mary has already decided what juicing combinations she wants to start getting into my body, NO MORE RED MEAT! I liked them all except the beets lol.

My sissy decided that I needed a real bed to sleep in, and a new TV, so a lot of shopping was done, she got more than planned. That's my sissy,  my place was nice and cozy. I'm Grateful!

Mary Ann"s focus was the kitchen, Getting me a Jack  LaLane juicer was on her  agenda. She made sure It became a part of my everyday life, and even taught me to make my own almond milk. Everything that I needed for the kitchen she and sissy made sure it was there. I'm grateful.

We had  fun talking about our childhood. We put on some music and we just danced and laughed, the two of them didn't know how therapeutic it was for me. I was experiencing things in my head that I didn't understand. I looked normal, but I didn't feel normal. I was very sensitive, and had a ton of anxiety, but I had to not let on just how bad it really was. I never told them, just said something like I'm weak or something like that. well you know sisters will be sisters, we did our usual little argument, and then the rest is good.

I Love, and appreciate my sister so much, I don't think she even knows how much I do. She is a very unique person, in a league of her own. Thank you for everything sissy!

They all Left to go to our hometown, but I couldn't go. I was not cleared to travel yet. Now they are gone, I am left to deal with the reality that my brain is sick. Can't hide it from myself, no one here to distract me from it. To be continued...

Friday, February 10, 2012

I Want To Go Home

I finally began to feel like I could leave the hospital. My answer to everything was I feel pretty good, can I go home? Then the vomiting and headaches would sabotage my plan to go home. Finally one day I heard those  "WORDS". We're going to let you go home. I got so excited my head almost exploded. The nurse had to push meds in my IV, I was so crushed, but I did get to go home later that evening. My dear friend Lionel picked me up in his Limousine, and as usual he was handsomely dressed and had on his signature bow tie. I'm grateful.

I'm home now and Lionel made sure I had food to eat, and that my house was warm. Then he had to get back to work, I called my family and let them all know that I'm home.  Fear is running through my mind, they have sent me home with all kinds of medications and strict instructions. The one thing that I am most afraid of is that I have to take 02 Nimotop capsules every four hours. I am afraid that I won't hear the alarm to wake me up in the night hours to take them. That is the most serious of all the meds I have to take. Taking a bath that night was a major task, because I was still very weak.  Rhonda offered for me to go home with her the first night, but I knew that if I didn't go home and be by myself, I would never be able to be left alone at all. Took my meds and climbed into bed, scared to go to sleep, what if I have another bleed in my head, and no one is here. My head started hurting, so I took a pain pill, then freaked out because the pain pill might not let me hear the alarm in four hours, I did pretty good. My next few days were just resting and taking care of myself. Everyone has been calling to check on me, that always made me smile. To be continued...

God Is Awesome, Powerful, And Loving



Subarachnoid Hemorrhage

                                                                     God Is Able!

"Will I Make It Out Of This Hospital Alive"

Headaches, strong drugs  seems to be the norm. I feel like I can't wake up! I hear people talking to me but I can't wake up! Ummm hello my head is killing me, is this it? I'm going to die like this, no please God I need to see my family, give sweet kisses to the babies. I hear the nurse say I can tell she's in pain, look at the monitors. Here comes more drugs, but I'm scared I won't wake up. I can't tell her not to give me anymore drugs. She is the sweetest nurse ever, from day one even if I was not conscious she always talked to me as if I was. The sun was shining on my way to work today she'd say, or with that scarf tied around your head you look like you're ready to ride a motor cycle. I laughed so hard but she can't tell that I'm laughing, because I'm sleep.

Thank you Lord! I finally woke up! The above picture of me is what came to mind. This was taken in Costa Rica, I had been cleansed and delivered from all that was not good within me. I WAS PRAISING GOD IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN!!!

Even though I was feeling  bad,  God woke me up. The doctor's come in and say some things regarding my health. including that my head is Filled with blood, (The Subarachnoid Cavity) and they are still watching me to see how things go. I said to him that Jesus is a better doctor than you! I will be fine as they were leaving.. Still in denial that my head was filled with blood, I needed proof, so one of the Physician Assistants brought a portable unit to my bedside, and showed me live footage of the inside of my head. Wow no way, this can't be true. OK God, please heal me....To be continued...

Thursday, February 9, 2012

My Family's Love And Support

My grand daughters 

My beautiful daughter and the twins 

They love hats, just like their grand mother

My handsome son


My beautiful big sister 
How can this happen  right now, I haven't seen my family in a long time. This is what's going through my head. In and out of consciousness made me think  and worry way more than I needed to, but these are the people that I Love so much. I have to get better, so I can hug ,kiss, and love on them. See their faces, let them yell at me for not coming home to visit. I want to see my children, my grand children, my sister, my brother, nephews, aunts, cousins, my ex husband, and friends back home. I'm so sorry I didn't see ya'll more is what is in my head. The drugs made me think about this even more, I Love and need them so!

My children were so afraid and that's understandable, they are in another state and they are feeling helpless, because their mother could die. They want their mother back. The nurses are keeping them posted on my progress. My daughter would call and say the sweetest things to me, My son would say sweet things and then tell me that I'm stubborn and need to move back  home. The memories of giving birth to my children, their childhood, achievements, graduations, the witnessing the birth of my twin grand daughters, just everything about them was fresh on my mind. They wanted to get on a plane and come is what they say to me. I tell them to wait not yet. I won't go into the rest, it's personal. It was A very painful decision was made by my children, their father and I that they would pay my bills while I was down, it was one or the other. Come see me or keep a roof over my head. I needed and wanted to see them so badly, but this was necessary Love

My sister tried not to let me know how worried she was, but I know her very well. She called those nurse day and night, they knew that they had better keep her posted! She would call just to say I Love You, that always made me feel good! She wanted to come but the nurses reassured her that I was doing better than they expected, and that since I had round the clock people there, that I would need her more when I get released to go home. It took them a while to convince her of that I think. Funny story: my sister called and two of my friends were visiting me, and they were laughing at me trying to talk on the phone to my sister and I was stoned from the drugs. She was upset at all of the noise in the background, because I was in Neuro ICU. I told her the nurses said that it was good for me. Well she called the nurse to ask about the noise, and how can I get rest. The nurse put her at ease. Love

My Aunt called to talk to me, how are you feeling baby, "in her New Orleans voice)? I Love You ya hear is what she said to me! The noise in the background, she didn't like it either. I think she called the nurse and was put at ease also. Love

My ex-husband called me, he was concerned and said his family was praying for me, and that he and our kids were communicating regarding me. Love

My sister friend Patrice called me, and said hurry up and get better miss. Love
To be continued...

Goapele- Closer The original music video 2001/no effects

Monday, February 6, 2012

PeopleThat Visited And Called Me In The Hospital


My cousin Sheila walked in that room, I was not feeling well at all, but I was glad to see her. We have not seen each other since we were in elementary school. I could see the worry in her eyes, but she was still very comforting because she was there. I Love her.

Chantelle, she was a gem, a peach, an angel, just Love. This young lady, went to work everyday, and would come in the evenings. While at work she would call the nurses. Spend the night with me,then shower and go to work from the hospital. This girl  put her life on hold for me, I also learned that she was the link to keeping my family and friends updated on my status. There is no amount of money to repay her for what she did for me. I would watch her play jewel quest on her phone, to handle the stress.

Fred, although he worked two jobs was there. I remember him being so sleepy but he still would sit there and talk to me, and tell me to get better. My favorite visit with him was when he came to see me one day, now Fred has this beautiful dark chocolate skin, and he showed up wearing all red. I laughed so hard because I used to call him Santa Claus, so that was a real treat for me. No lie he looks really good in red! Oh oh here comes the big headache again., don't want my friend to see me suffer but I have no control of over when they decide to attack. Here comes my nurse, how does she know I thought, then I looked over at the window where she sits watching over me like a hawk from outside the window. She said I saw you holding your head and putting the towel over your face, that's how we know you're hurting, and also your blood pressure rises on my monitor. Your stomach is very sensitive so this is for nausea in the IV it goes, then this is for the pain. You doctor changed to Dilaudid, because he wants you to rest better, and the morphine is only giving ten to fifteen minutes of sleep. Fred is laughing because he says I am speaking some other language, I guess its the drugs. Don't know how long I slept but my friend was right there when I woke up. Funny stories, like I always try to call people while I'm asleep, or I fell asleep while dialing a number. Oh yeah they had jokes for me.

Rhonda, by ten in the morning she'd be walking in my room! What a great way to start my day. She would keep me up to date on the happenings around the city. My mornings were always tough, I don't have an appetite, my head is pounding, fear is running through my head. So it's nice to see Rhonda. She may not know this, but she has a laugh that makes me smile. She would ask the nurses how I'm doing also, and would get on to me about eating, or what ever was necessary at the time. She got to laugh at me when drugs were pushed into my IV also.

Sholonda, God's little Angel! she has one of those faces that you know God runs through her veins. So sweet to see her, she had her prayers warriors praying for me, and I'm grateful. One day she walked in and I was not feeling well at all, I think she knew it. so she told me to rest and not worry about trying to visit with her. I was dealing with this feeling that I was going to go back to sleep and not wake up. Death was hovering over me all that day. Sholonda's presence was comforting and shprayed for me.

Lionel, a very sharp dresser, can't no body wear a bow tie like him. He is always busy with his company and his volunteer work with children in the inner city schools. Still found time to come and check on me. Every time he could break away, he was there at the hospital, he teased me about my actions on meds too. Lionel is that "Ram In A Bush" that you hear people talk about. What a friend!

Gwen, at this point we never met in person. We are in a women's group called, "Fabulous Over Forty". She would call and check on me, and ask me what I needed. She and her husband took time out of their busy lives to come and bring it. Wow I am still so humbled by that.

Marie, she and her brother-in-law came before they left for New York. She had a smile on her face but I can tell she was still concerned. After all she was with me when I got the bad news.

Ronnie Hudson, former Bass Player for Issac Hayes. He adopted me as his little sister a few years ago. I didn't expect to see him, because he has gigs all of the time. Fred called him and told him that I was in the hospital. He brought his beautiful wife Kathleen with him I was so happy to finally meet her. Also Sherman was with him, man I really do have friends that Love me, looking back as I write this.
My adopted lil sister Tamara back in Texas was soooo sweet and kept the doctors posted. Dr Helmer and Dr  Bunch were concerned. We worked together in oncology. I'm grateful
 Josie, Brenda, and some of the other ladies in the group called to check on me, it meant a lot to me. I'm grateful.

God is so awesome, he showed me that I do have family here, I thank each and every one of them from the bottom of my heart. I Love You All!!!  To be continued...

"In Neuro ICU"


I woke up with all kinds of wires, attached to my body, needles in my arms, nurses and doctors talking to me. Thinking to myself, "oh Lord they keep talking to me, and I'm just scared. I don't know what the heck is going on ,I just want all of them to leave me alone, so I can get out of this bed to go the the bathroom. Squeezing as tight as I can so that I don't wet my bed, I finally ask may I go t the bathroom I ask? The nurse says just let it go honey, I put a catheter in your bladder. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm singing in my head, it feels sooooo good to tinkle! So tired now AND FEELING NOT LIKE MYSELF, I don't like this, please make it go away. If I don't tell the nurse how I'm feeling then maybe I can go home to my bed. Yeah that's it don't tell em, just say I feel fine every time they ask you. The Neuro Surgeon tells me that he is going to do a procedure called an angiogram, that he is going to POKE A HOLE IN THE ARTERY IN MY GROIN! THEN RUN A TINY TUBE UP TO YOUR BRAIN AND PUSH A RADIOACTIVE DYE THROUGH IT. HE WANTS TO LOOK AT MY BRAIN. GEESH IS IT REALLY THAT SIMPLE DOC? So then I gave him my instructions, " My head is already killing me, so when you inject me with that numbing stuff. I need for you to walk away (lol) go make a call of something. You guys never let the stuff numb first, and that is stressing me out right now. He laughed and said OK boss. I survived the procedure, I tried to stay awake for it, thought it might be kinda cool to see the dye traveling through my brain on the screen, but  man they got powerful  drugs in this place. Everybody that knows me, know I hate that "out of my head feeling" Next thing I know I'm back in my glass room in NICU, don't remember anyone taking me back there. The Neurologist comes in and tells me that I had a CEREBRAL BRAIN ANEURYSM AND A SUB ARACHNOID HEMORRHAGE, I instantly start to cry, because I know that people don't survive this. He tells me that he will see me later, he is going to study the film. Then a tech comes to my bed and says your doctor wants a sonogram done of your neck.
It must be the Fourth Of July, because I feel them in my head! Dang I can't hide it from the nurse. screaming and rolling around the bed is what the pain is forcing me to do. My nurse was there in a New York minute, She had in her hand what I learned immediately is the "GOOD STUFF" She was explaining to me what the drug was, and, and, and,well I don't remember anything else she said. That was good sleep for a while then I woke up again to the worst pain you can imagine having in your head times ten. So I'm given more drugs in the IV, and sent to have a CAT SCAN. OK so I'm stoned out of my mind and the tech had the nerve to   ask me my name, Lord I pray that I didn't say anything unpleasant. Still don't remember it, but my nurses always lets me know what was and is being done to me. Nothing like a caring nurse!!!

We are not going to do surgery the unless there is a change that happens. The risk are too great, and sometimes its better to let the brain heal on its own. If pressure builds up we will have to go in and drain it, for now lets just watch you. That is what the doctors tell me, and to be honest, I didn't know what to think of that. My head is hurting, and I didn't want to think about anything.

Needles, CAT SCANS, there is too much going on today and I don't feel up to any of it. This being a patient thing is too much.. I'm supposed to be out there enjoying life, not in here. Lord please let me out of here.
To be continued...

Sunday, February 5, 2012

"The Worst Headache Ever"

Big events coming up, What am I going to wear on The Red Carpet? Which celebrities will I get to interview? Dr Maya Angelou, Pastor Paula White, Tyler Perry, Joc, Danny Glover ,(he was one of my favorite interviews) Also looking back at some of the photos from previous interviews. Not this time. Instead , my life played out right before me:

If you've ever seen a wrecking ball drop down on cars at a junk yard to demolish them. Well it felt like that ball was raised as high as it could go, and then dropped down onto my head., and the lightning bolts steadily hitting me every five minutes. Lord please don't let it be a stroke, I don't want to be paralyzed or worse. I thought that the stiff neck, pain in my right eye that felt like my eye was going to pop out, well I convinced myself every time these symptoms would occur were sinus related that's all.

In 2010 my life came to screeching halt! I remember vividly feeling like I could barely move my legs, and that is when I decided that this horrible headache was not going to go away, no matter what medication I take. Call 911 call 911 is what I should have done, but the stubborn me is still trying not to call. A friend named Marie who was at my home advised me with fear in her eyes, that I should go to the hospital. Well everyone that knows me know, I am not going to the hospital without taking a bath (lol). Maybe the hot water will make my head stop hurting, well it didn't and at that point I am struggling to breath, so I get dressed and call 911 is what I decide to do. Conversation with the operator," this is the 911 operator how may I help you? I'm 49 years old my head is hurting really bad and I think I'm having a stroke. OK ma'am stay on the phone help is on the way. Can you open your door for me? OK I say, but I barely had the strength to do it. She reassures me that she is with me and she was determined to get me to open that door. I can't stand the light in my eyes anymore. Some how I did manage to get the door opened and I was so weak that I had to lay on the floor, and help arrived. Operator says OK hang up now, I know that the paramedics are there". Lord have mercy, they scooped me up and before I knew it I was in the ambulance. Marie is in the front seat of the ambulance. My arm starts to burn and itch from the tourniquet, I didn't think to say, I'm allergic to latex, but then who would with a headache like mine. She immediately changes to one that is safe. The lady wasn't sure about sticking my vein, so the driver who turned out to be from my hometown, took over and he got it the first time. IV in place and ready for Life saving drugs, on my way to the hospital. They hook me up to all kinds of things in that ambulance, I'm begging them to Dim the lights, but of course they need to see what they are doing, so she gave me a towel to put over my face. I can't answer the questions very well, but I'm trying. That driver was driving so fast that it felt like we were in the air.  The nausea turned into vomiting. I'm glad my IV in place and ready for Life saving drugs. Initially I had one nurse, then the doctor. He orders a CAT SCAN. Then when I returned to the room, he wants me to sign papers giving approval for a lumbar puncture because he says he is looking for blood and the scan doesn't show it all of the time. I said no, but then remembered that my son as a small child was brave when he had to have one. Doctor gets paged from imaging while I was about to sign the papers. All of the sudden I heard what sounded like a herd of horses running towards the room that I was in. I almost peed my pants when I realized how many of them it was. You know its serious when  there are about ten nurses and doctors working on you at the same time ( I feel like I am going to black out, and my whole body was shaking out of pain and fear) Ma'am a lot is going to be happening right now, so let us work. I don't have to do the spinal, your scan says that your head is filled with blood. There is not a Neurologist in the building, so I have to send you to another hospital this is the only way we can try to save your life, this is very a serious situation he says to me, with a stern but compassionate tone!  Poor Marie is scared and concerned for me, I think she took a cab back to my place. Towel still over my head, because I can't stand the light, and the morphine never kicked in to stop the pain, I'm sure because of my fear and emotions I was fighting it. The nurses were so awesome, they were working as a team to do their job, and they were as good to me as they be. My initial nurse was on her game. She was very protective of me, an example of this, is when the ambulance came to transfer me to the other hospital. She let them know not to try to take my towel from over my head, She yelled, " the light hurts her eyes and no she can't slide over we are all going to lift her DAMIT"!!! Once they had me on the stretcher, she said I am giving you more medicine so you can rest. We were on our way to the other hospital, I fell asleep and woke up because of the sound the ambulance made when it was in reverse. Thank you Lord, I'm still alive, I think to myself!
The cutes little Doogie Houser greets me and peek under my towel that is covering my head, and says he will do everything in his power to help me. Thank you Lord! To be continued.....

Saturday, February 4, 2012


Celebrating Life is a new lesson everyday. You never know when what's right around the corner. The beautiful red cardinal has been a part of my life for a few years. I didn't know that he was preparing me for a beautiful friendship. This little bird has brought sunshine in my dreary place. Funny how he always appear when I feel sick, scared, sad, or unsure. The cool thing about him is that he has begun to come around even when I'm having a good day.  Everyday I work hard to get my independence back. This is my Goal...

                         NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF A BIRD!!!