My Family's Love And Support

My grand daughters 

My beautiful daughter and the twins 

Precious

They love hats, just like their grand mother

My handsome son

Lovely

My beautiful big sister 

How can this happen  right now, I haven't seen my family in a long time. This is what's going through my head. In and out of consciousness made me think  and worry way more than I needed to, but these are the people that I Love so much. I have to get better, so I can hug ,kiss, and love on them. See their faces, let them yell at me for not coming home to visit. I want to see my children, my grand children, my sister, my brother, nephews, aunts, cousins, my ex husband, and friends back home. I'm so sorry I didn't see ya'll more is what is in my head. The drugs made me think about this even more, I Love and need them so!

My children were so afraid and that's understandable, they are in another state and they are feeling helpless, because their mother could die. They want their mother back. The nurses are keeping them posted on my progress. My daughter would call and say the sweetest things to me, My son would say sweet things and then tell me that I'm stubborn and need to move back  home. The memories of giving birth to my children, their childhood, achievements, graduations, the witnessing the birth of my twin grand daughters, just everything about them was fresh on my mind. They wanted to get on a plane and come is what they say to me. I tell them to wait not yet. I won't go into the rest, it's personal. It was A very painful decision was made by my children, their father and I that they would pay my bills while I was down, it was one or the other. Come see me or keep a roof over my head. I needed and wanted to see them so badly, but this was necessary Love

My sister tried not to let me know how worried she was, but I know her very well. She called those nurse day and night, they knew that they had better keep her posted! She would call just to say I Love You, that always made me feel good! She wanted to come but the nurses reassured her that I was doing better than they expected, and that since I had round the clock people there, that I would need her more when I get released to go home. It took them a while to convince her of that I think. Funny story: my sister called and two of my friends were visiting me, and they were laughing at me trying to talk on the phone to my sister and I was stoned from the drugs. She was upset at all of the noise in the background, because I was in Neuro ICU. I told her the nurses said that it was good for me. Well she called the nurse to ask about the noise, and how can I get rest. The nurse put her at ease. Love

My Aunt called to talk to me, how are you feeling baby, "in her New Orleans voice)? I Love You ya hear is what she said to me! The noise in the background, she didn't like it either. I think she called the nurse and was put at ease also. Love

My ex-husband called me, he was concerned and said his family was praying for me, and that he and our kids were communicating regarding me. Love

My sister friend Patrice called me, and said hurry up and get better miss. Love

To be continued...

Goapele- Closer The original music video 2001/no effects

PeopleThat Visited And Called Me In The Hospital

                                                

My cousin Sheila walked in that room, I was not feeling well at all, but I was glad to see her. We have not seen each other since we were in elementary school. I could see the worry in her eyes, but she was still very comforting because she was there. I Love her.

Chantelle, she was a gem, a peach, an angel, just Love. This young lady, went to work everyday, and would come in the evenings. While at work she would call the nurses. Spend the night with me,then shower and go to work from the hospital. This girl  put her life on hold for me, I also learned that she was the link to keeping my family and friends updated on my status. There is no amount of money to repay her for what she did for me. I would watch her play jewel quest on her phone, to handle the stress.

Fred, although he worked two jobs was there. I remember him being so sleepy but he still would sit there and talk to me, and tell me to get better. My favorite visit with him was when he came to see me one day, now Fred has this beautiful dark chocolate skin, and he showed up wearing all red. I laughed so hard because I used to call him Santa Claus, so that was a real treat for me. No lie he looks really good in red! Oh oh here comes the big headache again., don't want my friend to see me suffer but I have no control of over when they decide to attack. Here comes my nurse, how does she know I thought, then I looked over at the window where she sits watching over me like a hawk from outside the window. She said I saw you holding your head and putting the towel over your face, that's how we know you're hurting, and also your blood pressure rises on my monitor. Your stomach is very sensitive so this is for nausea in the IV it goes, then this is for the pain. You doctor changed to Dilaudid, because he wants you to rest better, and the morphine is only giving ten to fifteen minutes of sleep. Fred is laughing because he says I am speaking some other language, I guess its the drugs. Don't know how long I slept but my friend was right there when I woke up. Funny stories, like I always try to call people while I'm asleep, or I fell asleep while dialing a number. Oh yeah they had jokes for me.

Rhonda, by ten in the morning she'd be walking in my room! What a great way to start my day. She would keep me up to date on the happenings around the city. My mornings were always tough, I don't have an appetite, my head is pounding, fear is running through my head. So it's nice to see Rhonda. She may not know this, but she has a laugh that makes me smile. She would ask the nurses how I'm doing also, and would get on to me about eating, or what ever was necessary at the time. She got to laugh at me when drugs were pushed into my IV also.

Sholonda, God's little Angel! she has one of those faces that you know God runs through her veins. So sweet to see her, she had her prayers warriors praying for me, and I'm grateful. One day she walked in and I was not feeling well at all, I think she knew it. so she told me to rest and not worry about trying to visit with her. I was dealing with this feeling that I was going to go back to sleep and not wake up. Death was hovering over me all that day. Sholonda's presence was comforting and shprayed for me.

Lionel, a very sharp dresser, can't no body wear a bow tie like him. He is always busy with his company and his volunteer work with children in the inner city schools. Still found time to come and check on me. Every time he could break away, he was there at the hospital, he teased me about my actions on meds too. Lionel is that "Ram In A Bush" that you hear people talk about. What a friend!

Gwen, at this point we never met in person. We are in a women's group called, "Fabulous Over Forty". She would call and check on me, and ask me what I needed. She and her husband took time out of their busy lives to come and bring it. Wow I am still so humbled by that.

Marie, she and her brother-in-law came before they left for New York. She had a smile on her face but I can tell she was still concerned. After all she was with me when I got the bad news.

Ronnie Hudson, former Bass Player for Issac Hayes. He adopted me as his little sister a few years ago. I didn't expect to see him, because he has gigs all of the time. Fred called him and told him that I was in the hospital. He brought his beautiful wife Kathleen with him I was so happy to finally meet her. Also Sherman was with him, man I really do have friends that Love me, looking back as I write this.
My adopted lil sister Tamara back in Texas was soooo sweet and kept the doctors posted. Dr Helmer and Dr  Bunch were concerned. We worked together in oncology. I'm grateful
 Josie, Brenda, and some of the other ladies in the group called to check on me, it meant a lot to me. I'm grateful.

God is so awesome, he showed me that I do have family here, I thank each and every one of them from the bottom of my heart. I Love You All!!!  To be continued...

"In Neuro ICU"

                                                          




I woke up with all kinds of wires, attached to my body, needles in my arms, nurses and doctors talking to me. Thinking to myself, "oh Lord they keep talking to me, and I'm just scared. I don't know what the heck is going on ,I just want all of them to leave me alone, so I can get out of this bed to go the the bathroom. Squeezing as tight as I can so that I don't wet my bed, I finally ask may I go t the bathroom I ask? The nurse says just let it go honey, I put a catheter in your bladder. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm singing in my head, it feels sooooo good to tinkle! So tired now AND FEELING NOT LIKE MYSELF, I don't like this, please make it go away. If I don't tell the nurse how I'm feeling then maybe I can go home to my bed. Yeah that's it don't tell em, just say I feel fine every time they ask you. The Neuro Surgeon tells me that he is going to do a procedure called an angiogram, that he is going to POKE A HOLE IN THE ARTERY IN MY GROIN! THEN RUN A TINY TUBE UP TO YOUR BRAIN AND PUSH A RADIOACTIVE DYE THROUGH IT. HE WANTS TO LOOK AT MY BRAIN. GEESH IS IT REALLY THAT SIMPLE DOC? So then I gave him my instructions, " My head is already killing me, so when you inject me with that numbing stuff. I need for you to walk away (lol) go make a call of something. You guys never let the stuff numb first, and that is stressing me out right now. He laughed and said OK boss. I survived the procedure, I tried to stay awake for it, thought it might be kinda cool to see the dye traveling through my brain on the screen, but  man they got powerful  drugs in this place. Everybody that knows me, know I hate that "out of my head feeling" Next thing I know I'm back in my glass room in NICU, don't remember anyone taking me back there. The Neurologist comes in and tells me that I had a CEREBRAL BRAIN ANEURYSM AND A SUB ARACHNOID HEMORRHAGE, I instantly start to cry, because I know that people don't survive this. He tells me that he will see me later, he is going to study the film. Then a tech comes to my bed and says your doctor wants a sonogram done of your neck.
It must be the Fourth Of July, because I feel them in my head! Dang I can't hide it from the nurse. screaming and rolling around the bed is what the pain is forcing me to do. My nurse was there in a New York minute, She had in her hand what I learned immediately is the "GOOD STUFF" She was explaining to me what the drug was, and, and, and,well I don't remember anything else she said. That was good sleep for a while then I woke up again to the worst pain you can imagine having in your head times ten. So I'm given more drugs in the IV, and sent to have a CAT SCAN. OK so I'm stoned out of my mind and the tech had the nerve to   ask me my name, Lord I pray that I didn't say anything unpleasant. Still don't remember it, but my nurses always lets me know what was and is being done to me. Nothing like a caring nurse!!!

We are not going to do surgery the unless there is a change that happens. The risk are too great, and sometimes its better to let the brain heal on its own. If pressure builds up we will have to go in and drain it, for now lets just watch you. That is what the doctors tell me, and to be honest, I didn't know what to think of that. My head is hurting, and I didn't want to think about anything.

Needles, CAT SCANS, there is too much going on today and I don't feel up to any of it. This being a patient thing is too much.. I'm supposed to be out there enjoying life, not in here. Lord please let me out of here.
To be continued...

                                                      

"The Worst Headache Ever"

Big events coming up, What am I going to wear on The Red Carpet? Which celebrities will I get to interview? Dr Maya Angelou, Pastor Paula White, Tyler Perry, Joc, Danny Glover ,(he was one of my favorite interviews) Also looking back at some of the photos from previous interviews. Not this time. Instead , my life played out right before me:

If you've ever seen a wrecking ball drop down on cars at a junk yard to demolish them. Well it felt like that ball was raised as high as it could go, and then dropped down onto my head., and the lightning bolts steadily hitting me every five minutes. Lord please don't let it be a stroke, I don't want to be paralyzed or worse. I thought that the stiff neck, pain in my right eye that felt like my eye was going to pop out, well I convinced myself every time these symptoms would occur were sinus related that's all.

In 2010 my life came to screeching halt! I remember vividly feeling like I could barely move my legs, and that is when I decided that this horrible headache was not going to go away, no matter what medication I take. Call 911 call 911 is what I should have done, but the stubborn me is still trying not to call. A friend named Marie who was at my home advised me with fear in her eyes, that I should go to the hospital. Well everyone that knows me know, I am not going to the hospital without taking a bath (lol). Maybe the hot water will make my head stop hurting, well it didn't and at that point I am struggling to breath, so I get dressed and call 911 is what I decide to do. Conversation with the operator," this is the 911 operator how may I help you? I'm 49 years old my head is hurting really bad and I think I'm having a stroke. OK ma'am stay on the phone help is on the way. Can you open your door for me? OK I say, but I barely had the strength to do it. She reassures me that she is with me and she was determined to get me to open that door. I can't stand the light in my eyes anymore. Some how I did manage to get the door opened and I was so weak that I had to lay on the floor, and help arrived. Operator says OK hang up now, I know that the paramedics are there". Lord have mercy, they scooped me up and before I knew it I was in the ambulance. Marie is in the front seat of the ambulance. My arm starts to burn and itch from the tourniquet, I didn't think to say, I'm allergic to latex, but then who would with a headache like mine. She immediately changes to one that is safe. The lady wasn't sure about sticking my vein, so the driver who turned out to be from my hometown, took over and he got it the first time. IV in place and ready for Life saving drugs, on my way to the hospital. They hook me up to all kinds of things in that ambulance, I'm begging them to Dim the lights, but of course they need to see what they are doing, so she gave me a towel to put over my face. I can't answer the questions very well, but I'm trying. That driver was driving so fast that it felt like we were in the air.  The nausea turned into vomiting. I'm glad my IV in place and ready for Life saving drugs. Initially I had one nurse, then the doctor. He orders a CAT SCAN. Then when I returned to the room, he wants me to sign papers giving approval for a lumbar puncture because he says he is looking for blood and the scan doesn't show it all of the time. I said no, but then remembered that my son as a small child was brave when he had to have one. Doctor gets paged from imaging while I was about to sign the papers. All of the sudden I heard what sounded like a herd of horses running towards the room that I was in. I almost peed my pants when I realized how many of them it was. You know its serious when  there are about ten nurses and doctors working on you at the same time ( I feel like I am going to black out, and my whole body was shaking out of pain and fear) Ma'am a lot is going to be happening right now, so let us work. I don't have to do the spinal, your scan says that your head is filled with blood. There is not a Neurologist in the building, so I have to send you to another hospital this is the only way we can try to save your life, this is very a serious situation he says to me, with a stern but compassionate tone!  Poor Marie is scared and concerned for me, I think she took a cab back to my place. Towel still over my head, because I can't stand the light, and the morphine never kicked in to stop the pain, I'm sure because of my fear and emotions I was fighting it. The nurses were so awesome, they were working as a team to do their job, and they were as good to me as they be. My initial nurse was on her game. She was very protective of me, an example of this, is when the ambulance came to transfer me to the other hospital. She let them know not to try to take my towel from over my head, She yelled, " the light hurts her eyes and no she can't slide over we are all going to lift her DAMIT"!!! Once they had me on the stretcher, she said I am giving you more medicine so you can rest. We were on our way to the other hospital, I fell asleep and woke up because of the sound the ambulance made when it was in reverse. Thank you Lord, I'm still alive, I think to myself!
The cutes little Doogie Houser greets me and peek under my towel that is covering my head, and says he will do everything in his power to help me. Thank you Lord! To be continued.....

NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF A BIRD!!!

Celebrating Life is a new lesson everyday. You never know when what's right around the corner. The beautiful red cardinal has been a part of my life for a few years. I didn't know that he was preparing me for a beautiful friendship. This little bird has brought sunshine in my dreary place. Funny how he always appear when I feel sick, scared, sad, or unsure. The cool thing about him is that he has begun to come around even when I'm having a good day.  Everyday I work hard to get my independence back. This is my Goal...

                         NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF A BIRD!!!